It is completely normal to encounter fear when pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone. In a sport like kayaking, there are many unpredictable aspects and, let’s face it, a lot of risk, too. I had always been scared to push myself outside of my comfort zone, and often quit when I felt intimidated. When I took up kayaking, I was adamant that I would not let fear hold me back, but this promise to myself became more challenging than anticipated.
I spent many a sleepless night pretending to be excited about how much rain was falling and how thrilled I was to see our local spot in flood when, deep down, I was scared. I often spent longer than I should in eddies psyching myself up to run a rapid, one I had done many times before, one I was more than capable of running, and one I knew better than most on the river, but for some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
I longed for the thrill of running steeper whitewater and more technical rapids, but something was always holding me back.
I used to complain about how slow my boats were, how my legs were going numb or how my elbows kept hitting the cockpit. “A good tradesman never blames his tools!” is the response I would continue to get. I often felt like I was fighting a losing battle. I felt like no matter how carefully I put in my paddle strokes, I would lose control and get pushed off my line, end up capsizing or end up side-surfing a hole. These experiences, unfortunately, knocked my confidence and allowed fear to take over. I knew that something was not right; I could not explain it, but I knew I did not feel content in my boat.
In hindsight, the boat I was paddling was not suitable for me; it did not complement my paddling style. It was too slow, difficult to manoeuvre and change edges, and difficult to plant my paddle without hitting my elbows off the cockpit. I reflected on the promise I made to myself when I commenced my journey and decided I would not give up, so I began searching for my dream boat, one for a small paddler who likes to push the limits.
Choosing the right boat as a smaller paddler was proving quite difficult. I spoke to lots of small paddlers within the community, and unfortunately, I was not alone. It was a struggle to find a boat that I thoroughly enjoyed paddling while being comfortable and confident. The boats I was used to paddling often felt like I was paddling in a bathtub, with no control, resulting in added fear.
I had the honour of chatting with Chris Wing, who encouraged me to try a Ripper. I was hesitant to paddle a half-slice when I had been paddling a creek boat, but as soon as I put that boat on moving water, my outlook on small boats immediately changed.
The Ripper is a fast, manoeuvrable boat that is incredibly responsive and suits my style of paddling. Thanks to the control I now had, it helped grow my confidence when running bigger features. I sold my other two creek boats to exclusively paddle my half slice, and my journey of chasing whitewater continued.
I spent the next week nonstop in Co. Kerry, chasing the rain and pushing my paddling. I attempted lines I had always feared of running, and I finally started to believe in myself again. Finding a boat that I felt in control of, being small but in between sizes, was draining, but it was most certainly worth it in the end.
Chris recommended the Ripper to me, given my background as a freestyle kayaker, knowing I just wanted to play with the river. One of the main aspects that drew me to whitewater kayaking was being able to have fun in the features. My Ripper has allowed me to stern squirt on every eddyline, catch even the smallest of waves, boof with ease and overall, just makes running the river more enjoyable.
Finding a boat as a smaller paddler can be tough. My advice is to try as many boats as possible and keep an open mind. If you have not already, I highly recommend trying the small Scorch and the Ripper, as they are perfect for the smaller paddler.
